What’s up gamers! Did you hear about the back-to-back champion Golden State Warriors’ new NBA2K19 team rating?
The Warriors have won three out of the last four championships, and when healthy, Golden State has a top-four player at every position in its starting five.
Stephen Curry (95) is the highest-rated point guard, while fellow Splash Brother Klay Thompson (89) is one of three shooting guards tied for second. Kevin Durant (97) is the second-best small forward behind LeBron James, Draymond Green (87) is the fourth-best power forward, and DeMarcus Cousins (90) is the game’s second-best center.
This day has been a long time coming for a multitude of Warriors fans who have taken many a savage beating over the years in the virtual world for playing with their team. The recent resurgence of Warriors basketball has now reached the unthinkable 99-rating plateau.
But with great video game power comes great video game responsibility, folks. I, TheBlackTruth on PSN, am here to teach you the ways of responsible Warriors’ gaming. Here are five gold-blooded tips from a guy who has spent an inordinate amount of time making grown men and women rage quit because they can’t deal with the power of the virtual Splash Brothers.
I. Don’t just spam threes
I get it. You picked the greatest shooting team in NBA history in a video game. You want to launch with Curry, Thompson, or Durant as soon as you cross half court. There’s nothing more devastating to an opponent’s psyche than unleashing an artillery barrage 30 feet from the basket.
But what if you miss? The risk of the game slipping away on poor shot selection is too high to rely on the thrill of swinging haymakers. Also, 2K tracks shot selection; if you shoot too many bad shots in a row your player will go cold. Remember Game 7 of the 2018 Western Conference Finals when the Rockets kept jacking and eventually the entire team went historically cold?
Yeah, don’t be like that.
You have 24 seconds on the shot clock. You can shoot that long contested three at any time, so why not save it for a juicy opportunity when you want some Shock and Awe? Be patient, and use ball movement and aggressive drives to warp the defenses shell.
If you’re throwing up trash from that far away, you’ll miss participating in the beauty of a virtual simulation of the Warriors’ motion offense. NBA2K has very intelligent A.I. that screen, backdoor cut, and slide to open areas for easy, uncontested buckets. Why ignore that delicate yet deadly orchestration to launch up awful circus shots? Additionally, those errant missiles often turn into long rebounds, which ignite the other team’s transition offense. There’s nothing more demoralizing for a Warriors user than watching a 40-foot Curry bomb careen off the rim and into enemy hands to start a fastbreak.
Just because your capable of making tough shots, doesn’t mean you should rely on it as your bread and butter. Who are you, Carmelo Anthony?
II. Ignore your opponent’s jealous whining
It’s painful to lose. Especially in a video game to a random stranger who could be a four year old from Melbourne or a 70 year old from New Jersey. So, you can understand why many of your opponents scream into to the microphone, “you ain’t good! you just picked the Warriors!” or type you a message like, “u suk haha warriors are cheap team.”
It is their right to cry out in shame and distress; they spent 60 bucks on the game, and they can complain if they want. It is also your right to lay the smackdown on ‘em and tell them to burn their PlayStation for not being perspicacious enough to appreciate the glory of their sacrifice for the Golden State. They should be honored to have witnessed a 99 rated team.
When some irate opponent starts going crazy on you, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remember that you played with the Warriors back when Stephen Jackson was our best video game avatar:
Now, laugh. Laugh from the belly. You deserve to taste the power of pure dominance. Unleash it without prejudice, and make them feel the crushing heel of destiny’s golden boot.
III. Learn the playbook
Each team has a playbook that approximates the sets they run in real life. The Warriors’ playbook is one of ythe more complicated. There’s a lot of timing and precision involved when you’re handling the ball up top with Green while secretly waiting for Thompson to sprint around a bunch of screens for a catch-and-shoot opportunity. These plays will help you settle the game down and enforce a rhythm that your opponent is probably unfamiliar with.
Here’s a random example I found on YouTube of some guy falling in love with the “money plays” in the playbook.
These work well against the CPU or humans. Most 2K players just zombie lock in on the ball handler and completely ignore the off-ball action, much like James’ or Harden’s defense.
Use this to your advantage by calling plays that get your shooters into clean scoring position. The defense will usually either overreact and send too much help or fall asleep and give you a window of time to score. Either way, you’re dictating the game, and it can be a great change up from regular run and gun basketball. You can even exploit certain defensive matchups this way without trying to force a cross court pass.
IV. Manually substitute or die
I can’t stand the way NBA2K does auto subs. You’ll blink and there’ll be a lineup with three power forwards, Andre Iguodala, and Quinn Cook. If you’re playing a heady opponent, they will brutalize you during this moment of depth chart chicanery. Make sure that you keep at least one of your five superstars on the court at all times, with lineups that provide spacing for him to go to work.
Also, you wouldn’t want virtual Coach Steve Kerr to put in an ineffective big in a do-or-die game, wouldja?
V. Have fun!
Soak it up. Being a longsuffering fan of a once doormat franchise has prepared you for this moment of glory. You were born for this, Warriors Gamer! Use the power of the 99 rating with sinister efficiency, but don’t forget the real reason you’re out there: to weaponize some joy!
P.S. Shame to all you jabronis who pick the Golden Dynasty and still take an L.